Summer Weddings and Doubts

What is it about a wedding invitation that brings nostalgia? Perhaps it is because we all like fairy tale settings. We fill our heads with visions of white, flower girls and ring bearers and we are excited and honored to be one of the guests. The event can be stressful not only for the bride and groom but also for the guests. We all want a perfect wedding! What do those pre wedding jitters mean? For guests it may be as simple as choosing the right wedding attire or the most inexpensive flight. For the bride and groom wedding nerves may not mean anything at all or they may be a sign that something is not right. We have all heard of runaway brides. How do you know before the wedding that you are choosing the right person to marry? With half of the marriages in the United States ending in divorce it is important for you to be sure of your decision before the engagement and wedding. Wedding vows are not made during the dating period or the engagement . They are made on your wedding day. The marital relationship is different than any other relationship. Often while I am involved in a pre- marital therapy session with a couple a statement will be made regarding the relationship of marriage stating” marriage is a formality for us.” Wrong. Marriage rules do not apply until you are married. This is Susan’s story.

Susan’s Story

Susan was 29 years old and out of college when she met Gary. She was dazzled by him on her first date. He was always the life of the party and he was polite to her mother, well almost. In the early months of their dating, they went out with friends and every once in a while they spent a romantic weekend away. They spoke of marriage someday and seemingly got along well. In the last 6 months Gary had not been calling or spending much time with her and when he did see her he preferred to watch TV instead of going out on a real date. He tells her he loves her and pecks her on the cheek before he leaves her. Susan cannot remember the last time they were intimate with each other. She loves Gary but she does not want to make a mistake of marriage.
Susanbird-love would be making a big mistake if she were to enter into an engagement of marriage to Gary. With the doubts she is having now she may very well be a runaway bride. Gary is not fulfilling her emotional needs. In her book ” How Not To Marry the Wrong Guy, Is He “the One ” or Should You Run ” Anne Milford identifies 5 universal signs that you are dating the right guy:
1. You bring out the best in each other, not the worst.
2. You trust each other and can count on one another to do the right thing.
3. You have fun together.
4. You share common core beliefs and values.
5. You communicate with each other out of care and concern instead of judgment and criticism.
Choose a healthy relationship when you are choosing a man or woman to date. In making the right choice you will no doubt have wedding jitters on your special day but they guide you to the alter not away from it.